Quest: In Debt to Chuck

PART 1
Start in Lumbridge and ask the castle banker to borrow 1k. She will ask you why, and accept your reason. After she gives you the money, the banker turns into Chuck’s Slave, and the 1k mysteriously disappears. Chuck’s Slave demands a payment, but will not take normal gold. He gives you Chuck Norris’ shopping list and tells you to deliver to items to Chuck Norris’ House, 1337 Al-Kharid.

PART 1 TEXT
[your_name]: Hey dude, I’d like to borrow some cash. 1k please.
CN Banker: Of course sir.
(CN Banker gives you 1k gp)
[your_name]: Yeah thanks, I’ll be going now-
(the CN Banker turns into Chuck’s Slave, and the 1k disappears from your inventory)
Chuck’s Slave: Not so fast!
[your_name]: What the hell! Where’d you come from! And where’s my cash?!
Chuck’s Slave: Oh it’s gone is it? Then you owe Chuck Norris!
[your_name]: But it just… -sigh- fine here I have 1k to repay you.
Chuck’s Slave: SILENCE MORTAL! That will not suffice. In order to repay Chuck Norris, you must…
[your_name]: ?
Chuck’s Slave: RUN HIS ERRANDS!!! Mwahahahahahahaha!
[your_name]: Oh uhh wow. I don’t have time for this BS.
(Chuck’s Slave gives you “Chuck Norris’ Shopping List”)
Chuck’s Slave: If you do not repay Chuck Norris, your organs will be ripped out through your anus, personally by Chuck Norris.
[your_name]: You guys sure are convincing…

PART 2
You read the list which says:

Shopping List
-ice cream bar
-mascara
-lip balm

You remember there being an ice cream man in Al-Kharid, so you head there. You talk to the ice cream man wandering in town, but he sold his last bar to a hobo. He suggests you look by the duel arena. You find the hobo there, and you knock him out for the ice cream. He also drops a note that reads: “Harriet’s Beauty Salon is now selling make-up products 30% off! Located in Al-Kharid” You go there and find Harriet is a guy, and buy mascara from him for 100gp.

PART 2 TEXT
(you read the list)
[your_name]: Hmm, I think there was some ice cream seller in Al-Kharid. I’ll go there first.
[your_name]: Hey you! Ice cream dude!
Ice Cream Man: Yes?
[your_name]: I would like one ice cream bar please.
Ice Cream Man: Sorry, sold out. Sold last to hobo at Duel Arena.
[your_name]: Right…
(talks to Fat Hobo)
[your_name]: Hey you! Hopeless loser!
Fat Hobo: Yes? I mean, wait doh!
[your_name]: You better gimmi that damn ice cream bar before I crack out head open.
Fat Hobo: AHAHAHAHA! Sure, sure. Crack my head AAHAHAAA-
(you kill the hobo in one hit and take his ice cream)
[your_name]: What’s this?
(you read the advertisement)
[your_name]: Maybe I can buy some mascara there.
(talks to Harriet)
[your_name]: Hey old lady!
Harriet: Man!
[your_name]: Uhhh right. I need to buy some mascara.
Harriet: Whatever!
(you buy the mascara for 100gp)
Harriet: Bastard!

PART 3
You read a sign that examines: “Chuck Norris’ house, west of the Duel Arena gate.” You go to Chuck Norris’ front door (fire altar) and talk to Turkey who is standing out front. He gives you some lip balm and the “Staff of Chuck” (normal staff). You use the staff on the ‘front door’ and are teleported into Chuck Norris’ home (fire runecrafting altar). You speak to Chuck Norris and give him his items. In return he round house kicks you to Ardougne with 1hp left, and the hat of Chuck (dark cavalier) appears in your inventory.

PART 3 TEXT
[your_name]: Hey Turkey! What’s up?
Turkey: Just worshipping the domain of the almighty Chuck Norris.
[your_name]: You wouldn’t happen to have any lip balm, would you?
Turkey: But of course!
(Turkey gives you lip balm)
[your_name]: AND you wouldn’t happen to know how to get in Chuck’s house…
(Turkey gives you the Staff of Chuck)
Turkey: Here, use this on the big stone, and you’ll teleport to his house.
[your_name]: Thanks!
((you enter his house))
[your_name]: Hey Chuck! I got your crap!
Chuck Norris: Oh, you. I’ve been watching you.
[your_name]: Right. Well, Here it is.
(items are give to Chuck Norris)
Chuck Norris: I appreciate your offering. Good luck adventurer!
(Chuck Norris kicks you, and you appear in Ardounge with 1hp left)
[your_name]: HOLY CRAP!!!!!!11one